IC Inbox [Recolle]

[digthefuzz]

KURT WAGNER

Actor; The man behind The Fuzz; Life of the party. Those are just some of the things I am! Stay gnarly, everyone!

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Comments

[frostythehitman]

It was military

It was my official, army-issued uniform

red tights and domino mask and everything

[digthefuzz]

how is that a military uniform
why
how
why
how
why

[frostythehitman]

I don't know

but it was handed to me directly by a corporal

He used the words "uniform" and "Captain America's partner."

[digthefuzz]

so this is something you remember??
the military gave it to you
and then bam, you're captain america's partner?

[frostythehitman]

No, there was some deal they made with me months before that ever happened, that was just the moment they actually gave me the uniform

Look, what I'm getting at is

Do you think your dorito spandex could also be military?

[digthefuzz]

what
no clue man
it definitely doesn't look like it's a military thing
then again neither does yours
is there like some special spandex brigade
is that the military tax dollars fund

[frostythehitman]

If it's a military uniform then yeah, it's funded by tax dollars.

Somebody's tax dollars paid for these red tights.

I don't know how many there were. I only know I had one of these things, and Captain America had one. His was even dumber somehow, but if your dorito suit was part of it too, then I think yours might take the cake.

[digthefuzz]

that's so messed up
well if mine is, then there's bound to be even more
but hey, mine's not so bad!
i think it looks pretty cool

[frostythehitman]

Yours looks like dorito thong suspenders.

But hey, that's still better than a few I remember. I think 'Captain America' and I were the only ones in actual spandex, but I do remember there also being a few people who only wore speedos.

[digthefuzz]

hey be nice to the suit! : <
it's not
not like that at all!!

wait, speedos??
are you sure this was the actual military

[frostythehitman]

It totally is. You wouldn't be so upset about it if it weren't.

Well Captain America was there and we were both in uniform on some fighter jet or something, so yeah. Pretty sure it was still military. Don't know what else it could be.

[digthefuzz]

okay, i guess you're still good then!
the military's just a lot weirder than i expected!

[frostythehitman]

I guess so.

If that's really true, then I'm just happy they let me wear clothes at all. I'd hate to be those suckers who got stuck with the speedos.

[digthefuzz]

right
it could always be worse??

at least this is oddly comfy

[frostythehitman]

What, you don't get a wedgie in yours?

[digthefuzz]

sometimes it goes there
but when it doesn't, it feels fine!

[frostythehitman]

Damn, you lucked out. That dorito looks like it would give you a massive wedgie, meanwhile I'm the one who has to keep adjusting his shorts every five minutes.

[digthefuzz]

hey i mean, it's not like it doesn't happen
it just doesn't get too severe!
shame about your shorts though
my thoughts go out to you!

[frostythehitman]

Yeah well you know what

I bet you'll know how this feels when you start wearing yours daily too.

[digthefuzz]

are you saying that -you- yours daily?!

[frostythehitman]

Nowadays? Yeah. And I'm gonna keep wearing it every day until Retrospac can't stand it any more. If they're gonna take colors away, I'm gonna flaunt whatever I've got left as much as I can.

[digthefuzz]

whoa
now that's true bravery dude
i'll,
i'll just rally you on from here

guess it's one way to put on a tight resistance!

[frostythehitman]

[ UUUUGH KURT PLEASE, SOME OF US ARE DARK CREATURES OF THE NIGHT WHO ARE ABOVE PUNS ]

I'm not wearing the tights. No way. I have standards.

It's just the shorts.

[digthefuzz]

[NO YOU"RE A DORK CREATURE OF THE NIGHT LIKE HIM]

just the shorts

and they're not loose on you, right?

then my pun still stands!

[frostythehitman]

[ Dammit. There's no way out of this pun. ]

The shorts are attached to the top, but yeah. It's all pretty tight.